It may not be word for word perfect but here goes…
On Friday I took my mam shopping at Sainsburys. Food shopping with my mam is always an experience but as she had a cold it was like shopping with someone on speed ! ! !
The fruit and veg section. “Do you know were er is”.
I should explain. My mam thinks that everyone is telepathic so doesn’t need to say anything else other than ‘er’.
After a process of elimination I finally guessed what she wanted only to have to repeat the process over and over again.
Still in fruit and veg. “Do you want some tomatoes”.
“Mam, I don’t like tomatoes and you know I don’t, yet you ask me this every time”. “Well I only asked in case you changed your mind”.
The uncooked meat aisle. She spends quite a while looking at the variety of sausages then says “I don’t like sausages”.
The ready made meals aisle. “What can ‘you’ have for a change”, she asks.
“Mam I don’t have RMM”.
It transpires that ‘you’ means ‘I’ (I’ll have to remember that one…). She spends ages looking at the different meals then said she doesn’t like RRM either.
The dairy aisle and she’s standing facing the yoghurts. “Can you see any er”.
“A clue would be helpful”.
I resist the temptation to be sarcastic so ask “what kind”.
“Narrowing it down, any particular one”.
“The Winter Collection”.
After spending ages searching I couldn’t find them.
“Found them”, she says picking up Autumn Fruits…
This is the edited version. Imagine the whole thing ! ! !